Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
