One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
