sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
