I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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