don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
