I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
