I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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