I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
