I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Panties = found
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
