just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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