sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
