so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
