Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
