I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
