she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Come on in and take your pants off
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