Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
