Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
