a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
