you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
