she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
