turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
