You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
