i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
