I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
