there was a trapeze. enough said
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
