Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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