Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
