I don't usually arrange sex via text message
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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