.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
vagina is talking i cant
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
