Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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