I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
