who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
