If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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