Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
