I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
