based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
