:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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