If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
