answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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