Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
