Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
