he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
