Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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