Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
