I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
