I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
