I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
