So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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