How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Small penises have feelings too.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
