My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
