Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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