I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
MIDGETS
????
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
