i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
