I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
