i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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