somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
