whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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