He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
