I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
