K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
