You're my little dorito
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
