The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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