So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
